The Ultimate Zombie Stopper

Danger is in the region.
Many dead men.
Walking.
Chasin' survivors.

Firing before asking.
Ammunition becomes scarce.
Noisy business.
Risky business.

Starting to love
the smell of burning zombie in the morning...

Working 'round the farm is gettin' difficult.
Close encounters.
Too much too frequent.

New weapons are required.
New tactics developed.
Danger sharpens the mind.

Our outpost came up with something new.
Something light.
Something simple.
Something deadly accurate.

The ultimate skull crusher.

Spread the word around.

Whuha from the outpost.

In our hedges, lots of common hazel.
Wonderful wood.
Straight & fast growing.
Relatively hard.
Resistant to smashing.
Perfect tool wood.

Get a branch with a nice curve.
Oval shaped at the base.
Don't forsake your security.
Work in daylight.
Stay aware.

Found it?
Cut it, fast.

Look at most heavy duty tools.
They all have oval cross sections.
Much more difficult to break.
Your weapon should resist a lot of impact.

Zombie skulls are resistant.
Make it the best you can.

Metal is good.
But metal is heavy.
And much energy is needed to work it.
Energy is scarce, around here.

So I went back to basics.
Got a few heavy wooden olive elbows in my workshop.
Fated to be transformed in boomerangs.
When times were peaceful.
Heavy, resistant wood.
Highly energetic.
Good karma.

Try to find that elbow.
Dense wood required.
Oak, hornbeam, maple, that stuff.
Check out for fallen trees.
Rootwood is just perfect.
Try to get it already dry.
There's no time to dry it.

To shape it I have one advice.
Less is more.
Get it minimalistic.
Save your energy.

Cut the elbow into slices - half inch thick.
Round the corners.
V-shape the cutting edge.
Keep the weight in the blade.
Sand it smooth.
Oil it carefully.

Present the blade to the handle.
Mark the contact zones between both.

Start digging those sockets.
Or do like me: start the power supply, connect the grinder and burn the holes out.

Don't disturb the energy of the blade by drilling holes in it to fix it to the handle.
Would be like drilling a hole in a diamond to fix it to a ring.
Not one idiot does that.

Use good old pressure to keep it in place.
Easy to fix, easy to dismantle.
Minimalistic, again.

If it's too crowdy out there, do this manually with a chisel.
Don't attract more of them then you can neutralize.
Safety first, more then ever.

Stain it, blood patches will be less visible.

One strong cup of tea.
The darkest you can.
One cup vinegar, a bunch of steelwool.
Tea on the handle. Lots.
Let it dry.
Time for steelmix.
Instant result.
You're done.

Once dried, oil it with walnut oil.
Welcome to the dark side.

Reinforce the sockets.
Paracord or zombie tendon.
Prevent the handle from splitting.
Fisherman's knots.

Press the blade in its sockets.

Ready is that smasher.

Never had a more useful weapon.
Light, fast, accurate.
And beautiful, if you ask me.

Build it. You've got nothing more to loose.

Spread the word around.

Whuha from the outpost.