How to Fit in at UC Santa Cruz

Want to attend UCSC but worried about making friends or fitting in? Let me give you a hand.

At least 50% of your clothing should be flannel. Don't worry, they sell it at Urban Outfitters on Pacific.

At UCSC, you are judged by the company you keep. And by that I mean your bong.

It is vital that you wear your elaborate knit cap all year long, no matter how hot it gets. The more pom-poms and tassels the better, and bonus points if it is handmade by indigenous tribespeople from somewhere nobody has ever heard of.

This one's pretty logical. They keep your water cold and don't give you cancer, which is pretty cool.

Shoes were created by the Man to keep you down.

As important a part of your wardrobe as your flannel.

Don't forget to keep congratulating yourself on electing him.

Find a cause you can really get behind, preferably one that will allow you to impress your friends with your compassion and knowledge of world affairs. Palestinian liberation is a good one because there's tons of rallies and their flag is pretty stylish.

Bob Marley represents the aspirations of many UCSC students by smoking weed, having dreadlocks, and not being white.