How to Take "Failure" Like a Champ

A few years ago, I applied for PhD programs in Clinical Psychology. I got rejected from every single one which hurt to say the least. Through the year following those rejections, I realized just how naive I was, but more importantly I realized how to deal with "failure". Looking back I can now see why I was rejected and how that doesn't make me intrinsically inferior or an outright failure at everything in my whole entire life and just doomed for mucking dirt and eating rocks.  Coming to terms with those rejections has also made it a lot easier to come to terms with getting rejected generally.  Of course I still get a little upset and a bit angsty, but that's normal for anyone and doesn't become a problem unless it starts affecting my life or the lives of others.

This isn't a feel-good-everything-is-grand Instructable.  It's a simple guide on coming to terms with rejection/"failure" and moving on because stagnating through obsession won't get anything done and will doubtfully make you or me a better or happier person.  It doesn't do any good to lash out at others and make them feel bad for their successes, and it doesn't do any good to stew in a well of worthlessness or feel that the whole entire world is against you.  It takes a lot of discipline to deal with rejection well, and it isn't easy.  I can't say I'm always successful at the process of taking failure like a champ, but it's certainly worth trying to be a champ especially if you just got rejected.

Go ahead and whine about it.  Whine to yourself, a good friend, a relative, or someone who can maybe make you feel a little better.  Just don't whine publicly because you risk making others feel bad and making yourself look bad.  There's no point in going public unless you've managed to compile some solid evidence of unfairness.

It is absolutely critical to be in a mindset where you can accept the rejection and be able to respect the successes of others. 

You didn't get rejected because you are intrinsically inferior or bad.  You got rejected because someone/something was better or more appropriate than what you offered or created.  What you offered/created wasn't necessarily terrible.  It might have been really super amazing, but someone just managed to do something a little more spectacular or something that was a little more appropriate for someone else's needs.  The rejection is not necessarily a reflection of your worth or capabilities.

Whatever your motto is or whatever helps to get you to a point of acceptance, remember it.  Write it on a wall.  Chant it.  Embroider it.  Just keep it in your head.

Once in the right mindset, calm and relaxed, start figuring out exactly why you were rejected.

• What did someone else offer that you didn't?  What was different?
• Was it completely and totally unfair and others were already setup to succeed regardless of any other competition?

Be fair about this.  The person judging you or your work might not have had all the information necessary, but based on the information at hand, a decision had to be made.

Once you know why, then it's time to consider what you could have done, but be careful to not obsess on all the what-ifs.  You just need a couple things that you could have done so that you can improve upon what you do in the future should it still be worth your while.

• How much time/effort did you invest?
• Did you do your best?  Could you have done more?

Note:  If you didn't do your absolute perfect best, that makes it pretty easy because someone else could have done a lot more work than you did, and then it just boils down to how much work you need to invest.  No matter how skilled or intelligent someone is, there is still a lot of work in being exceptional.  Some people just have to work harder than others, and sometimes limitations just have be accepted.

Once you are in the mindset, know why you got rejected, and know what you could have done, plan for the future.  This is to help you move on and not dwell on past rejections.

• What will you do differently?  What do you need to do to improve your chances of success?
• Is it worth trying to do again?

Note: Not doing it again at all is also an option.  Know your limitations.