How to Hunt Morels
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Morels are pretty weird looking.
Even for mushrooms. Pretty weird. People like them. I don't like them.
I hear they are worth money. Some of that gourmet money.
People hunt them. Hunt to kill? That sounds like an adventure. I'm all about adventures.
Watch out morels. I'm a coming for you.
Gather Supplies
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Bags (2) - plastic or paper, morels don't care
$900 pickup (1) - try to get one that is old, misfires, and doesn't have power steering. Trust me, it's everything you've ever wanted in a pickup.
Bad dog (1)
City slicker girlfriend (1)
Head to the Woods
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It's a treacherous path. It's best to take a pickup. Branches will be slamming up against it. Brush will be scratching it.
Come to a Crossroads in the Woods
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Some things require spending some time down at the crossroads. Morels is one of those things.
Determine Your Path
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Use your senses to determine a direction. I used my common sense. I use that one almost every day.
Search & Destroy
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With a heart full of napalm, find your morels. Look for damp soil where dead trees lie.
Don't lose faith. I believe in you. Pick them from the base, right at the ground.
Remember to Put on Bug Spray
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Minnesota mosquitoes are the worst. Seriously. The worst.
Pout When You Can't Find Anymore Morels
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There comes a time when the morels will just not appear. I used all of my senses... but no more morels.
Time to pout, my friend. Pout away.
Find That Bad Dog and Go Home
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Bad dogs disappear. Some bad dogs don't come back for a while. You best find that bad dog.
Tend to Your Wounds and Check for Ticks
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Lick your mosquito wounds and rub down for ticks. Check everywhere. Nothing is worse than looking down when you are at the toilet and realizing that you have to pull a little blood sucker from there...
Rejoice in Your Bounty
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Morels, baby. Morels.
Dry 'em, freeze 'em, or eat 'em.