How to Frame Nick Offerman

This is the story of how I framed Nick Offerman in walnut.

You will need the following stuff (you can buy most of it at Food & Stuff) :

Wood

A 2D version of Nick Offerman (see next step)

Thick paper

A glass pane

Thick cardboard

Nails

Glue

Hammer

Some fashion of saw (circular, jig, american, japanese. You name it)

Optional : a router

Sandpaper

Hand plane

First, you need to develop a passion for the TV series Parks and Recreation. Then you'll want to look further into Nick Offerman, who stars as Ron Swanson, and realize that he is an accomplished woodworker, actor and lover. The next step is to start worshipping him and make you girlfriend aware of it.

If everything goes according to plan, she will send you a drawing of Nick in the mail, and you can start working on framing him.

Not pictured is the chopping down as I did not carry the job myself. My granddad harvested the wood from a walnut tree in my great-grandmother's garden.

Pictured is the face of the Batman in the walnut wood.

Using the table saw and a guide, cut the plank in equally wide slices. Using a handplane, round the outside corners. One of the sides of the frame will have a live edge and I selected a piece of wood with a lot of knots for added woodyness.

I made the grooves with the neighbors 12000rpms digital router with a german tungsten carbide bit but really, you can do it either with a hammer and chisel, a handsaw or a circular saw (pictured).

The groove is 1,2 cm deep and 9 mm high, with a rectangular section. Make sure your glass pane has a some space (about 1 mm) to wiggle wiggle wiggle.

Once the whole length is grooved, use a miter box to cut 45° (Celsius or Fahrenheit?) angles. They need to be snug.

I used a tight strap to hold the frame while the glue was curing, and added various bits and pieces to tighten it even more.

I finished with 200 then 400 grit sandpaper, then wet the surface, let dry, and sanded to 400 again the little poking bits of wood. I finished with a 1:1 mix of hexane:paraffin oil.

Using thick textured white paper and a special 45° exacto knife, I cut the piece of paper which goes right behind the glass pane and makes the framing beautiful and professional.

Self explanatory. Pour the whisky in the glass, pour the glass in the mouth. Repeat steps whisky through mouth as necessary.

In that order.

Then very small nails to hold the whole shabang, and paper tape on it to prevent dust from entering the frame.

Good job, you now own your very own framed Nick Offerman. Make one for a friend. Also works with Amy Poelher or your mother-in-law.

Until next time,

Deluges