How to Give Someone the Middle Finger

Raising the digitus impudicus is a British tradition dating back to the ancient Romans, commonly used to display dissatisfaction with the behaviour of another.

This is all well and good when the plonker who's displeased you is within viewing distance of your flipping-of-the-bird , but what, I ask you, will you do when some po-faced pillock insults your from afar?

The answer is simple, mail it to them.

Having a helping hand in this procedure is always useful, I've choosen to enlist the aid of fellow instructabl-er BlackCloud, who I hold in highest regard, and who no doubt will provide an able hand model.

The first step to creating the middle finger is to set the correct atmosphere, you'll want to be feeling a mix of anger and adrenaline. To aid in this we have chosen to consume aggressive punk music and a mix of BrewDog's "5am saint" and tesco energy drink (Not mixed in together of course, we're not monsters). You may consume any beverage of your choosing (alcohol content is not necessary) but be sure to have a few empty cans handy as we'll be using them in a later step.

In order to create the mail-able middle finger you'll need the following ingredients:

• Alginate (Commonly available at art stores, comes with body casting kits)
• Stone Powder/Plaster of Paris 
• 2 Empty Cans
• Mixing Stick
• A Mug Of Water
• Cutting Mat
• Sharp Scissors
• Middle Finger

When cutting the cans be sure to work on a safe surface and use proper tools to cut them, if possible fold down any sharp edges using a pair of pliers so you won't accidentally cut yourself when using the cans

Cut the top off one of the cans so that you can touch the end of your middle finger to the bottom of the can without other fingers impeding you, this can will be used as the finger mould container. With the second can cut it so it's slightly larger than the first, this can will be used for mixing the stone powder (or plaster of paris)..

You have about 30 seconds to mix the alginate, and it will set pretty thoroughly in 3 minutes, so the next few steps will have to be preformed fairly rapidly.

Fill a third of the mould container can with alginate powder, then fill another third with water while mixing together rapidly for 30 seconds.

Plunge a finger into the mould and leave it there until the alginate sets, this should only take 2 to 5 minutes, 

Carefully remove the middle finger from the mould, taking care not to damage the fragile alginate. If needs be take a few minutes slowly removing the finger.

Fun Fact Of The Day: Alginate is derived from seaweed, and as well as being used in fire proofing fabric is also used in the culinary arts.

The stone powder typically takes an hour to set so the next few steps aren't time critical. Fill a quarter of the second mixing can with some of the stone powder, then slowly fill the can up another two quarters with water while mixing vigorously until all lumps are dissolved.

Then fill the top of the mould container to the rim of the can with the stone powder and water mix.

Slowly pur the mixed stone powder into the mould, then rapidly but gently tap the sides to help remove any bubbles in the stone powder mix. Be sure to do this on an easily cleanable surface as the stone powder is difficult to remove once any drips have set.

The stone powder will take around an hour to set, it should be safe to remove from the mould when the top surface is set hard. You may notice the mould heats up slightly while the stone powder sets, this suggests some form of endothermic reaction is taking place when the stone powder sets, pretty cool eh?

You should be able to peel away the can from the alginate and stone powder fairly easily, then remove the alginate from around the finger. The alginate is fairly fragile so you'll only probably be able to get one cast from the mould.

Now you have your very own middle finger feel free mail it to someone as a permanent reminder of your disapproval of them. If you find the process of creating the finger has ebbed the feelings of rage the finger provides an able typing companion.