Heaven and Hell Preserves

This is the most fun gift I give during the holiday season, and it is not for the faint of heart, but it is devilishly hot and as sweet as an angel!

My recipe yields eight 8 oz jars of heavenly yum.

2 lbs. jalapenos
1 lb. onions
4 C. sugar
1/4 C. apple cider vinegar
1/4 C. water
1/2 tsp. turmeric

A large pot
A stove
A LOLcat
A respectable beer
(8) 8 oz. Ball jars with lids

Choose two pounds of firm, smooth skinned jalapenos. Wash them with vegetable soap and slice them into 1/4" slices or to your preference. Leave the seeds and ribs intact - this is the source of "hell".

Add the jalapenos to a large pot.

Slice (no finesse needed) 1 pound of white or sweet onions and add them to the pot with the jalapenos.

Combine 1/4 C. water with 1/4 C. apple cider vinegar and add to the pot.

Bring the peppers, onions and liquids to a boil.

It is at this point that you will begin to think I'm insane, because you have a giant pot of vegetables and 1/2 C of liquid, but don't fight the magic!

I've made this faithfully for 8 years and it works!

As these begin to cook down, there should be a delicious, peppery atmosphere in your kitchen. Put your LOLcat on the counter.

If your LOLcat makes this face, UR doing it rite..

When the onions are translucent and the peppers have changed color, add 4 C. sugar and 1/2 tsp. turmeric.

Mix well, and bring mixture back to a low boil.

Simmer the mixture until it resembles my photo - the onions will be translucent and the skin of the jalapenos will begin to wrinkle a bit at the edges. The liquid will have a light syrupy texture.

You will most likely get very thirsty during this step, so take advantage of your respectable beer.

Remove the Heaven and Hell preserves from the stove and spoon into eight 8 oz. Ball jars that you have warmed with boiling water. Distribute syrup evenly among jars. Leave about an inch of head space in each jar, and attach lids tightly.

Allow the jars to come to room temperature before refrigerating.

Decorate jars and give to friends. I bring mine to our firehouse every year at Christmas - firemen love hot food!

Heaven and Hell should be served with cream cheese on a cracker - my preference is for Wheat Thins. Be sure  recipients have Shiner Bock handy and have said their prayers.