Fathers: How to Cope With Post Natal Depression

Having a child is one of the most fantastic things that any couple can experience, but bringing a new life into the world can bring a severe amount of stress too. Post natal depression is a condition that many new mothers experience upon giving birth – but it is a lesser known fact that fathers can also suffer from this debilitating mental illness. Depression is never an easy thing for anyone to understand or contend with and it’s also something we generally would not associate with childbirth, but it happens. In fact around 10 to 15% of women will suffer from post natal depression and around 10% of men will also suffer from this mental illness. Of course, the two are intrinsically interlinked. If the mother of the child suffers from post natal depression then there is a 50% chance that the father will also begin to suffer the same symptoms.

Although we automatically assume that post natal depression is suffered by the mother, it seems strange that there is little knowledge or awareness that this mental illness is also suffered by men as well. This Instructable explore the nature of how post natal depression is developed in fathers.

Post natal depression occurs when the needs of the mother or the father are not being met. The need for stability in a family when bringing a child into the world is categorical. These needs are not just emotional, but are also financial and social – having control is a vital factor in ensuring that these needs are being met for both the mother and the father. Being in control at the time of a birth can be an incredibly difficult thing. It can be a turbulent time even in the most secure of relationships. There are added stresses and strains that are put on both the mother and the father, and if the couple are not individually capable or ready to deal with these pressures of bringing a child into the world, then post natal depression can develop.  So what factors might lead to the development of post natal depression?

Unrealistic Expectations – As we said before, bringing a child in to the world is an incredibly exciting time. But those thoughts and feelings of excitement can quickly change when the reality of the situation comes crashing down on the father. They start to doubt themselves and become overwhelmed by the situation rather than rising to it. This is perfectly understandable, but if these challenges are not met, or the instability settled, they can become dangerous and manifest themselves as depression.

Loss of Freedom – Having a child means making a lot of sacrifices, especially when you have your first child. Life will never be the same again, you have a lot more responsibility and you can’t always put yourself first. This can be especially difficult for men to deal with. If the father of the child feels that he will now miss out on some of the things he has enjoyed doing, or feels like he will be unable to achieve his goals due to the birth of his child, then this can also develop into symptoms of depression.

Getting Your House in Order – It’s important for the couple to prepare for the coming of the baby in order to make the change from a couple into a family as easy as possible. All too often couples will concentrate on the actual birth itself. The couple needs to be able to be financially stable as well as making time in their lives for looking after the baby – if they are not, then this can cause a lot of problems.

The symptoms of post natal depression are exactly the same in both men and women and are similar to other forms of depression.

Insomnia – Lack of sleep is not uncommon in new fathers, getting up in the middle of the night is bound to cause some strains on any couple, but it’s the type of sleep we get when we become depressed that makes insomnia dangerous in new fathers. There two different types of sleep, slow wave which helps the physical repair of the body and dream sleep, which involves emotional repair work. In normal, healthy people, around 75% of the night is devoted to slow wave sleep and 25% to dream wave sleep. However, in those suffering from post natal depression these figures are revered so that we are having more dream sleep than slow wave sleep. This is due to the mind having to discharge unexpressed emotions from the day due to the pressures of having a baby and can cause you to wake up feeling totally exhausted.

Apathy – Some of the major symptoms of Depression are general feelings of unhappiness and low mood. These can be combined together in a cocktail of feelings that make up depression due to the lack of correct sleep. They could feel guilty or alternatively blame others for their low mood. They could also become completely apathetic and cannot be bothered to do anything. They also might think in simplistic black and white terms and lose all their sense of humour.

It’s important for the father of the child to realise as quickly as possible the problems he is having and make sure he has the emotional needs in place for him to be able to functional normally again. One of the main things in which doctors and psychologists can help men suffering from post natal depression do is help to reduce the sense of catastrophe in their lives and help them realise that this is not the worst thing to happen to them, and that in fact they can rise above their depression.

Physical exercise is a real help in the fight against post natal depression as it helps release stress and help the sufferer think positively about themselves. Anti-depressants can be prescribed to those fathers with serious cases of post natal depression if a doctor deems it necessary.

Reintegrating the person suffering from post natal depression back into society can also help the person overcome their depression. Spending some time away from the baby and the family unit to help express their feelings can help as well as talking openly and honestly with their partner about their feelings, which can also release a lot of the pressures that a new father might have. It’s important to try and spot postnatal depression symptoms early and deal with the problems openly in order to sort these problems out before they begin to affect the family as a whole.

Thanks for reading. I’d love to know what you think so please feel free to comment. If you liked this piece then please check out the rest of my work on Instructables. I would particularly recommend “Taking Care Of Your Elderly Relatives: What Are Your Options?”.

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